Movies That Should be Video Games - Shoot 'Em Up

You may have noticed that I took a small break from the Movies --> Video Games feature for a little while. I’ll have to do this from time to time to prevent any nerd stigma that may attach itself to The Good Indoorsman. With that said, I’m back with another movie that should become a video game. And this one should be nerd-free. It’s a fun film that is straight-up action and manliness all the time.

Shoot 'Em Up is one of the coolest movies I’ve ever seen and for some reason hardly anyone I know has seen it. I’ve seen it mentioned out here in the blogosphere, but we watch movies constantly so we’ve pretty much seen them all. The truth is, while Shoot 'Em Up is good, it’s not for everyone. Like moms for example. I made my mom watch it, and while she appreciated the art-factor, I don’t think she cared for all the dead people. There’s also a baby involved which might cause squeamishness. I have to admit, I saw this movie before and after we had a baby, and each time I had a different perspective. So moms shouldn’t watch this movie or play my game adaptation. But moms really don’t play video games anyway, unless you consider Farmville a video game.

Shoot 'Em Up actually plays out just like a game. I’m actually surprised no one has adapted it yet. Hang on – let me Google just to make sure. Ok, I googled. We’re clear.

Player 1

Just in case you haven’t seen the movie, Clive Owen plays Mr. Smith; just some guy who’s really good with a gun. We don’t really learn too much about him. He ends up having to protect a baby while a crazy hitman (Paul Giamatti) and an army of bad guys chase him. Mr. Smith is chased through so many different locations, or like in a video game – stages. There’s the abandoned building where he finds the little baby, and the church/brothel where Smith enlists the help of his lactating prostitute girlfriend. Then there’s the car chase, the skydiving shoot out, and the final battle at the Hammerson gun factory. All of these scenes will be featured in the game. I imagine the skydiving scene will be particularly awesome. I’d also like to utilize the Wii-Zapper somewhere. Maybe there can be a stage like House of the Dead; Smith walks through the streets while bad guys jump out of windows and all you have to do is aim and fire.

Each stage will be filled with baddies, kind of like Double Dragon, where an infinite number of villains slowly walk in from the left and right side of the screen. The difference is that Shoot 'Em Up - The Game will be 3D and the baddies are faster and don’t have names like Blade, Dagger, and Knife.

Because the theme of Shoot 'Em Up is shooting things, there will be plenty of guns to pick up. In the movie, Hammerson Inc. creates all kinds of advanced weaponry, so in the game I imagine you’d be able to use these guns and more, maybe even some that shoot lasers. At one point in the movie, Smith makes his girlfriend hide out in a tank with the baby. I’d like to see Smith take the reigns of this tank and totally destroy everything in sight.

Carrots are a running gag in Shoot 'Em Up. Not only do they help Smith with his eyesight, they provide a comical allusion to the hunted, Bugs Bunny, and the hunter, Elmer Fudd. In the game Smith will be able to collect carrots to enhance his eyesight, shooting skills, and health. An added bonus is that when Smith is without a gun, he can throw carrots at his enemies and possibly poke them in the eye.

Smith will also need to protect the baby throughout the game. Don’t worry moms, the baby never dies, but if he isn’t fed he cries and alerts the bad guys. So, remember - keep the lactating prostitute girlfriend alive too.

Don't cry little pouty-face...

Shoot 'Em Up - The Game, like the movie, will be action packed, hilarious, and stylish. Like I said, I can’t believe it isn’t already a game. The phrase Shoot 'Em Up was even coined as genre of video game. So let me play already!!